Welcome, I am so glad you decided to read this section. Exploring the possibility of living without an eating disorder is the first step on the mindful path of recovery. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to be seeking help. You are not alone. I know you may feel like you are living isolated in a prison but, I also know that you are the one holding the key to freedom.
“The real struggle is about you: you, a person who has to learn to live in the real world, to inhabit her own skin, to know her own heart, to stop waiting for her life to begin.” -Caroline Knapp, Appetites
You are not your self-destructive behavior; it has just been a way you have learned to cope. It worked effectively to disconnect you from your true needs and feelings. So, breaking free from an eating disorder or any other addiction may feel like an incredible loss. You may feel and believe you don’t even know who you are without your eating disorder. But while your eating disorder may seem to be a way to detach from painful thoughts and emotions, it also results in cutting-off from positive thoughts and emotions. When is the last time you laughed, felt joy and excitement, used your imagination, been really present with people places, and things, or felt love and hope? Are you tired of feeling like you want to hide from the rest of the world? You have spent enough of your life in shame, guilt, and secrecy. If not already, you have actually become detached from the inner workings of your body and the wisdom it carries. Your body is actually your sanctuary and as much as you may think food is the only thing you can control, food is actually controlling you. Imagine if you felt comfortable in your own skin, negative feelings about your body image did not “ruin” what other wise could have been a good day, if you could focus on other things, (friendships, relationships, and fun) instead of being preoccupied with food and weight. All of this may seem untouchable and you really may truly believe you are unable to stop, but remember you are not alone, and with the right help your struggles can turn to successes. I won’t tell you initial recovery is easy and you don’t even have to be or may not be completely committed to letting go of your eating disorder when you begin treatment, but here you are reading this letter of hope. That says something. You may just get that initial glimpse of hope just from talking to a professional who can listen and validate without judgment. It is just the right time to rediscover life and reveal your true self. Because if you choose to stay locked in your eating disorder your life will be a lonely existence. Wherever you maybe in your readiness to recover is exactly the place to be to reach out for help.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but, anyone can start today and make a new ending.” -Maria Robinson
Take care of yourself,